The Origin Of The Word 'Screw'

"Im gonna screw her good tonight"

This statement, clearly meaning 'Im going to have sex with her', I was thinking, this morning, like..., how can sexual intercourse be 'screwing'?

I mean, a screw... you insert it then turn it round and round right, until its fits good and tight (scuse the pun!) I would have thought that it was more along the lines of 'in out in out...' (you get my drift)

Maybe our ancestors went round and round (?!) then we evolved?

Alright, heres my proposed theory of why we evolved from round and round to in and out. XD 'scuse he blatant frankness of this post, its 4am and NOBODY IS NORMAL AT 4AM! (actually, when am I ever normal)

When humans were in the early stages of evolution ala Austrolopithecines/Homo Habilis, they spent all day hunting and trying to stay alive. thus had no time to develope other activities and culture. To them, sex is sex and thats it. they communicated via grunts so a grunt could mean anything, for example...

DURING HUNTING
Female Monkey-man : GRUNT GRUNT! grunt?
Male Monkey-man A : grunt GRUNTY!

Translation
Female Monkey-man : BIG MAMMOTH! attack?
Male Monkey-man A : attack? DUH!

ANOTHER SITUATION..
UP IN THE TREES AT NIGHT
Male Monkey-man A : GRUNT GRUNT! grunt?
Male Monkey-man B : grunt GRUNTY! *gruntter*

TRANSLATION
Male Monkey-man A : BIG MAMMARIES! attack?
Male Moneky-man B : attack? DUH! *snigger*

...and so grunting wasnt the most effective way of communication.
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During late evolution, when humans were known as Cro-magnon/Neaderthalis people (the stage just before Homo Sapiens as are known today), the default way of coitus was to go round and round. Then they invented screws to build .... buildings.


duh.

Woodwork was becoming more refined and advance as humans settled into villages and created complex communities, and no longer living in trees and hunted 24/7

Humans of course, at this stage of evolution, creating complex communities, and the introduction of better speech and culture, brought about the thing we refer today as 'parties'

The exponential increase of socialising, what with the ample time freed up by job specialisation (ie some hunted while the rest found other specialty areas), people looked for a better way to convey themselves.

One day, a male woodworker at a singles party and wanted to hit on a fellow hot female woodworker he had his eye on for quite a while.
So he started thinking about how to get her attention. (and it was at this important point in history, 'Pick Up Lines' came about)
In those days, of course, round and round was still the way to go. Suudenly, he knew what to say/do.

So, above mentioned Male woodworker, slicked his hair back, put on his best poser look and strode up to female woodworker.

Hey baby. You looking mighty fine tonight. Can I .....screw you? nice and tight so that we become one beautiful piece of art

*flick one eyebrow up*

The female woodworker was so impressed by his creative use of advanced language that she was totally sucked into his charm. Surrounding males saw how successful this was and thus the word 'screw' came into common use.

Today, humans dont go round and round. But we still use 'screw' nontheless, as tribute to this funky witty smart woodworker in those humble early days.






THE END (:




Disclaimer: Im just putting a theory out there. This post does not in any way imply I am experienced/obsessed/excessively interested in above mentioned issues and subjects lol. Take it with a sense of humour and human biology ok (:

And, if any human bio students reading this spot evolution errors, please scuse them....


TEE is over. XD